love-1, I-0

I'm not in love with the man,

I'm in love with the story,

I'm in love with the idea,

I'm in love with a lie. 

It's not romance or affection,

It's not passion or lust, 

It's merely a sense of belonging,

A sense of closeness.

It's that one long moment,

It's where the feelings live,

It's the same place of blooming,

It's the same place of dying. 

Defeated

I still loved you with all my heart,

And I was looking for a way back,

But I'd to turn around and walk away,

I complicated my life while i was away.

There are things that I've done,

You deserved more than this burden,

Everything together became solid walls,

rooms with no doors, spaces with no lights.

Learnt to keep my head down,

Reassuring myself each day every second,

There's always some contempt and shame,

But mostly it's just guilt and regret.

There are souls i need to carry within,

Restless souls, tired souls, dull souls,

Hoping they never get out into the world,

Keeping me hostage and keeping me cold.

what died

I'll find a field 

get lost between the tall grass

I'll cry a river 

And I'll let myself drown in it 

hold my breath under water

Maybe wait seconds to be pulled out

I might forget the way back

Maybe it's better down here after all

I'll let myself suffer

Find some dark joy in gasping for air

Maybe I'll learn to live here

Let things grow around me

Learn to live in this cold scape

But always be aware of the light i won't find.