It's not OK.

I'm so angry that my breath will tear up my shirt,
My screams are turning into mute tears burning my eyes and skin,
This rage isn't going away no matter how many times i say "it's OK"
No it's not OK! I'm not OK! 

I'm still hurting because i can't get this image out of my mind, 
You left me standing all alone in the cold outside,
And i was looking in at something that made even fire feel like satin, 
The tightness in my chest is as tight as you held her, 

And it comes back each morning when you exchange your greetings, 
And in the night it's the same nightmare with you in your chair, 
Turning around and looking at me with your deep blue eyes, 
Holding me and telling me she isn't the one for you,

Suddenly choking me and whispering 'but i wish it was her', 
As the TV screens around us light up chanting our favourite songs, 
I wake up screaming in silence under the weight of your arms, 
I'm suffocating as i realise I'm lying to myself,

Pretending to love you when i really hate you, 
I hate you for hurting me, i hate you for lying, 
I hate you for touching her, i hate you for not seeing this pain inside, 
I hate you for asking me to wait while you take your time, 

While you untangle your feelings and put the pieces together,
Telling me how you might still be confused about her, 
Certain about me but never saying you'd let her go, 
You have me hanging by a thread and feeding me all these lies, 

And all this rage inside is turning into a sea of bitterness, 
Now it's not you but the words stuck in my throat, 
I want to tell you i need to leave to only just breathe,
When it's so good with this heavy chain on my shoulders, 

It wasn't even my problem till you hit me like a train,
And it bleeds and burns so much and i can't forgive, 
I'm telling you again I'm not OK and it's not OK, 
Even though leaving you would hurt I need to heal.