nature, my savior

We try to fill our lives with the beauty of sunsets, the autumn leaves, sand under our feet, ocean sounds, smell of the earth after the rain, flowers, and anything and everything natural around us, because we can't always find it in our realities.

Not because the frosted window of a car with a smiley face, or a coffee cup on the side of a street, or something as mundane as a hand railing on a bridge, aren't beautiful, but because sometimes the memories attached to them are too painful. They become beacons and reminders of the past life that we try to escape.

We try to erase the beauty of some of those things because their presence becomes overwhelming, never evolving, unmoving, stubborn. While everything natural becomes ethereal, fluid, moments to be filled with new memories, bigger than life occurrences.

So we give ourselves up to the calmness and vastness of nature, and let it lead us to some sort of peace, to drown out the madness of the real world, to make space for memories and things and people. 

We learn to let it go and accept that everywhere we turn, there will always be those markers to remind us of the past.

But slowly take our minds to that safe place where everything cosmic has made it's home, and to gently get lost in it. 

the group for recessive genes

We belong to the stars,

And to the rocks that drift across the empyrean,

And to the mud beneath our feet,

And that body of hot springs,

A feather between the misfits,

Our hearts is the wind and our heads gravity,

We labor to be different,

Yet yearn to fit in,

Breaking away from our genes,

With the strings still pulling on our skin,

Call us cycle breakers or uncaring,

We belong to everything and nothing.

Jump

Indecisions will be the death of us

Neither here, nor there

There was a mind to be made

There was a line to be drawn

A threshold that had to be crossed

There's no going back now

There is nothing to go back to

Just a world made of cheap glass.

I was never afraid,

I just didn't know,

That there was freedom on the other side

I didn't know there was still clear air

That it was easier to see,

Easier to breathe, to move, to sleep,

Just easier to know,

To be free of the unknown. 

i love him, i love him not

I can't get you out of my system,

It feels like a form of betrayal,

It's like cutting myself open,

But finding only emptiness within,

I've let too many others in here,

And i wonder if you will find the space,

Because you won't like it,

You won't like them,

They got in ways that makes the darkest corners weep,

Maybe because they saw the light in me,

But don't they know?

I'm the shadow in the darkness,

It's my truest form,

There is no guilt here,

There are no lies here,

Only a vague sense of shame ever escapes,

The shame you saw and embraced,

The guilt you tried to wipe away,

Is that why i still want you here?

Maybe it's not because i love you,

But because you calmed this pain,

Because you healed these wounds,

Finding your way through this pitch black,

Leaning on my chest in this darkness,

You lived within this tenebrous home, 

choked beneath the weight of it's dusty roof,

I saw you try to break down my walls,

I saw you tame and contain the chaos,

But here I'm smiling at what i see within, 

Embracing this darkness like it's my own kin,

I do still love you, there are no closed doors 

But I can't keep this darkness away from my soul.