i love him, i love him not

I can't get you out of my system,

It feels like a form of betrayal,

It's like cutting myself open,

But finding only emptiness within,

I've let too many others in here,

And i wonder if you will find the space,

Because you won't like it,

You won't like them,

They got in ways that makes the darkest corners weep,

Maybe because they saw the light in me,

But don't they know?

I'm the shadow in the darkness,

It's my truest form,

There is no guilt here,

There are no lies here,

Only a vague sense of shame ever escapes,

The shame you saw and embraced,

The guilt you tried to wipe away,

Is that why i still want you here?

Maybe it's not because i love you,

But because you calmed this pain,

Because you healed these wounds,

Finding your way through this pitch black,

Leaning on my chest in this darkness,

You lived within this tenebrous home, 

choked beneath the weight of it's dusty roof,

I saw you try to break down my walls,

I saw you tame and contain the chaos,

But here I'm smiling at what i see within, 

Embracing this darkness like it's my own kin,

I do still love you, there are no closed doors 

But I can't keep this darkness away from my soul.