evening I'll not forget

As i sit here now,

staring into these fine threads of my sleeve,

that does not carry any heart,

reliving that evening i can't forget,

when I was volcano ready to erupt, 

that flowed with anger and agitation,

to be disturbed by the ground,

the ground we stood on,

waiting to be pushed to the edge,

at the brink of my word vomit,

filled with revelation and truth,

filled with pain and hurt,

as I hoped to let him down,

to let him go with kindness,

but I didn't want to cause hurt,

to burn him with my estranged love, 

looking for other ways to break us,

panicking as the world melted away,

flowing through our fingers,

piercing those blue and green eyes,

the blue and green became black,

as the tears tried to extinguish the fire around,

as the hands tried to find a holding,

as the words tried make their way home,

as we both became breathless,

just like now as I gasp for air,

the pain within the punishment,

the guilt within the shame,

the love within the longing.